The ray of light continues to shine on my upturned face, and I think I just realized something. It's not possible for a ray of light to hit your face if you're not looking up. I think I'd like to dedicate this post to the topic of hope.
Hope can be a great companion, a light in our darkest hour, a reason to continue when we most want to give up. Hope can make us question our sanity, if the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, each time expecting the outcome to change. Doesn't hope make us think we can achieve a different result if we just keep trying? Hope is an enduring friend, difficult to eradicate from the heart even when time and experience seem to show us that we are fools for hoping at all. I've gone ten rounds with hope myself, and I'd like to share some of that experience.
My feelings about hope were first influenced by the story of Pandora, the curious goddess of Greek mythology who opened a jar containing all the evils of mankind, leaving only hope inside when she replaced the lid. Since discovering that myth I have believed that hope is a gift to mankind, that it is what has enabled our survival and encouraged our adaptability. Hope is so important to humans that we most often describe it in terms of a flame, a spark, or a light - in other words, we equate hope to the one thing that has guaranteed our survival: fire. It wasn't until much later in my life that I considered a possible downside to hope.
I spent many years in a situation that caused me to wonder if hope wasn't making me crazy. Though I was approaching the situation with love, my experience over time was not encouraging. Things did not ever seem to get better, in fact they got steadily worse. I maintained the hope that things would improve. I maintained the hope that there was a reason why I was in that situation. I hoped through long days and long nights, month after month, year after year, that my efforts and my support wouldn't be for nothing. Then one day I was watching an episode of House, and I swear the writers were speaking to me when House said, "Hope is for people who are too weak to save themselves." He elaborated on this topic, illustrating that strong people see when something is no good and move to change their lives. Weak people sit in the situation and hope that it will get better or that someone else will fix it for them. Damn, damn, damn.
Obviously that made me re-think my hopeful nature. I don't have to be hit with a dead cat more than 20 or 30 times before the message sinks in, or so I like to think. I did some quick reshuffling of the deck I play with and determined that House was right. I made a change in my life and watched the ripples spread out. I'm not ashamed to say that I watched the ripples with hope. You see, like all good things in life, hope is something we need to balance carefully. Of course we need hope to keep us going - if I didn't have a reasonable degree of hope that someday I will be debt-free, why, I think I'd just go join a convent right now - I hear God forgives all debts, public and private. But it's important to be thoughtful, to be vigilant against false hope. False hope is what you have left when all reason for hope is gone and evidence is mounting that your belief is unfounded. For instance, playing the lottery once a month is hopeful. Playing it once a week is more hopeful. Spending your entire paycheck on Millionaire Bucks while the kids eat can after can of off-brand soup is not hopeful - it's harmful. Stop playing the lottery so much and pay off your bills - then you won't need to earn as much money in the first place and you'll have the freedom to at least partially retire from the rat race. Be hopeful - always! - but be smart.
I'm an idealistic person. I still believe America is the best idea anyone has ever had. I believe that people are basically good. I believe that God has a great sense of humor and doesn't give a damn if I curse or have sex outside of marriage. I believe that everything will work itself out, one way or another. And I will always believe that there is a reason to hope.
Spes melioris aevi,
Allison
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